Thursday, December 31, 2009

Blue Moon (tonight)!

Tonight will be, the first "Blue Moon" (occurring on a 'New Year's Eve') since 1990, but don't hope to see the moon in shades of "navy", or any other color for that matter. A 'blue moon' is a creation of folklore," because it's simply a chronological, second full moon within a calendar month.

The 'blue moon' myth adds to a host of misconceptions about our lunar neighbor. Among the more interesting things to ponder as you gaze skyward (weather permitting), at the not-blue, 'blue moon'...

There is no "dark side" of the moon. There is, however, a "far side" that we can't see, because as the moon goes around the Earth once, and spins on its axis once (all in the same amount of time), it thus reveals but one surface of (always) the same face - when viewed from the surface of the Earth.

There is no scientific evidence that the full moon affects human behavior. Reliable studies comparing the lunar phases to births, heart attacks, deaths, suicides, violence, psychiatric hospital admissions and epileptic seizures have found little or no connection.

The moon is moving away from Earth. It's drifting out into space by about 1.6 inches (4 centimeters), per year - about 10 feet during an average lifetime!

The moon is never really full. It is illuminated by reflected sunlight. So for the face of the moon to be 100 percent lit from our point of view, Earth would have to be exactly between the sun and the moon. But when that happens, an eclipse occurs as the moon falls behind the shadow of the Earth.

Speaking of eclipses - skywatchers in Europe, Africa, and Asia will have a chance to see a partial lunar eclipse tonight. A distinct but modest scallop of darkness will be visually carved from the moon. A bite of 'blue cheese', perhaps?

And so it is.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

INCOMPETENCE: State Government?

Contact the WI DWD (Wisconsin Workforce Development Department) to present a legitimate complaint related to: Discrimination, Wages, or ANY form of ABUSE by an employer. The DWD staff will invest more energy - to do NOTHING - than to take the claim presented seriously.

Try calling the WI OCI (Wisconsin Office of the Commissioner of Insurance) to present a case related to abuse of Federal Privacy Law. Once your proof has been provided, the administrator will effectivel take NO ACTION and let the perp run free (to commit the same crimes). Their excuse will be carfully explained, no Wisconsin laws were violated.

Care to hear about more such State level examples of INCOMPETENCE?

Just ask.

Monday, December 28, 2009

INCOMPETENCE: Federal Government?

Homeland Security Secretary, Janet Napolitano conceded today that airline security failed - when it allowed a Nigerian (on a terror watch list, and allegedly armed with explosives) onto a Detroit-bound flight from Europe.

The concession was a turnaround from her declaration a day day earlier - that "the system worked."

The secretary's comment (on Sunday) was widely criticized, given that suspect Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was foiled because his explosive mixture did not properly detonate and he was stopped in his tracks by vigilant passengers (who were forced to take the law into their own hands)...

My opinion? Janet is incompetent and she should resignm Me Thinks.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Who loves you dearly?

With respect to "betrayals of trust"...

Something I've learned through my many hard knocks (when dealing with the people I have loved, or love):

Trust is rather misunderstood, Me Thinks. We like to believe that we can "trust" others. But trust doesn't necessarily mean that people aren't also human; nor that they don't have their own ongoing "issues" - sometimes they do "things", and they do hurt us.

Trust instead, needs to be focused on ourselves - so that we may trust (remain assured) that we can always be resilient - whenever others reveal their humanity in unexpected (perhaps unwelcome, and sometimes hurtful) ways...

Look in the mirror, my friend - that is where TRUST is the most deserved.

People will always do and say whatever they will.

Isn't life just full of surprises?
(Thoughts shared by cousin, Annie!)

Saturday, December 05, 2009

A widdle bit o' Genealogy?

Following much laborious research, an undiclosed collateral lineage has been uncovered. Some may be at a loss for a response whenever others (impolitely) say, "You don't know Jack Schitt."

Some do know. Some don't. Not a relative? Well, maybe.

But now, anyone can handle the situation intellectually. It suffices to be informed. Allow me to explain...

Jack is the son of, Awe Schitt and, O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, was a fertilizer magnate, married to O. Schitt, the owner of Niedeepin Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn Jack Schitt married Noeh Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Hollie Schitt, Fullagh Schitt, Givah Schitt, Boole Schitt, and the twins: Deepp Schitt and Dipp Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deepp Schitt married Dumbe Schitt (high school drop-out).

However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noeh Schitt divorced. Noeh Schitt later remarried Theodore Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name...

She was then known as, Noeh Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dipp Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition whose name was, Chicanne Schitt. Two other of the 6 children, Fullagh Schitt and Givah Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers, at a double-wedding.

The nuptual announcement in the newspaper outlined the Schitt-Happens wedding. Soon there were three Schitt-Happens children: Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarce.

Boole Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now ...when someone says, "you don't know Jack Schitt," you will be postured to make suitable corrections.

"God, help me to be wiser, with respect to what I accept as truth."

A collateral relative? Unlikely. No Schitt.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Healthcare for Everyone (equal risk = equal cost)

No self-focused entity should (ever again) be allowed to "wish away" this GREAT EMERGENCY!

Not by pretending that it does not exist, nor by placing profits over an equal shot at wellness - for every man, woman, and child.

Everyone (also) needs to take care of themselves by living and eating healthy.

Me Thinks

ONE PAGE - Credit Card Contracts

To all CREDIT CARD companies, a WARNING:

Produce fair, common sense, ONE PAGE Credit Card Contracts ... else, we your life-blood, the consumers and citizens of this great land (and the world) ...

We PROMISE to double-up every rule and law (imposed to keep you honest) through expanded REGULATION, by adding peeks, pokes, and (over-your-shoulder) monitoring of your EVERY MOVE (and profit). That will be done so that all financial businesses will be REQUIRED to be "up front" - forced to eliminate ALL deceptive, in-fine-print, gobblty-gook (even the scams that you concoct, in your dreams).

Companies who don't comply will pay HUGE fines ...or be "nationalized" !


Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Infinitely LARGE.

A googolplex is a VERY large number... but (tiny) when compared to INFINITY.

It has been estimated that ALL of the "fundamenal particles" that are the makeup of the "known" Universe equate to about 2.5 to the power 10 ...followed by 89 zeros! Much SMALLER than a googolplex.

Me Thinks it, an interesting fact never-the-less, that (Mathematically) a "googolplex" is PRECISELY as far (or conversely, as close) from (to) INFINITY, as is the number 1.

1 Googolplex + or - Infinity = Infinity
1 One (1) + or - Infinity = Infinity

Think about it ...THAT concept is assuredly the KEY to understanding something very, very, very IMPORTANT.

Me Thinks

P.S. A "Googolplex" is not to be confused with, "GOOGLEplex", which is a neurotic disorder which evolves subsequent to the overuse of GOOGLE (whenever one doesn't know the details related to things as important as the topic of this BLOG entry). Are you now, Giggle plexed...?

Infinitely SMALL.

While mankind has acquired a grand understanding of the Universe, there are still mysteries regarding its expansion ...and related to huge mass, and enormous energy. At the same time, there are underlying shortfalls with respect to the tiniest things in our world, such as: quarks and photons...

Mathematically, the INFINITELY SMALL occupies no space. It has no mass nor motion and thus, no inertia. No energy. No emission and no absorption. It exists everywhere, without time, and perhaps ...without even, creation?

We humans see ourselves as much closer to the smaller end of things, rather than the larger. At the smallest end, the spectrum becomes finite, and our grasp of the concept makes SMALL seem somewhat closer - while the notion of INFINITY and small, takes an extra stretch of the imagination. Is it possible that matter can continually be broken-down into smaller and smaller bits? Might it be possible that finite particles could in fact ...exist INFINITELY within themselves... and be capable of being subdivided, forever?

The idea of a "Babushka" doll-styled, "embedded universe" creates the basis of fairy-tales. I suppose that most people have philosophized about the idea (at one time or another)... However, as we know (what we, at least today consider) fundamental particles behave completely "different" (i.e. "quantum-mechanically" speaking) when compared to "macroscopic" objects such as: galaxies. Hence, the model is not realistic.

Me Thinks

I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journey-work of the stars." -Walt Whitman

Friday, October 30, 2009

What the F'what?

Ah rural, farm life...

The fresh smell of manure wafted from the inside of our barn... It was milking time. The heffers were waiting to be hooked-up to the milking machines - having been out in the pastures grazing all-day. Naturally, some of the cows needed to relieve themselves. Soon enough, a huge pile had plopped out onto the floor, right behind one of the cows. That aromatic poo caught the nose of a very hungry horse-fly. Within a few moments, the fly had flown through the barn’s open door and seated himself atop the steamy pie. He began eating.

The cow-pie was especially tasty. The fly kept eating and eating until he was just about to burst. Now FULL, the fly decided that it was time to leave.

But, the fly was SO full, that when he flapped his wings [loud buzzing], he went nowhere. Frustrated, he tried again [louder buzzing]. Even MORE frustrated, the fly looked around the barn, trying to figure out how he’d be able to get to a sunny place to sleep-off his full belly. The fly spotted a pitchfork standing up against a wall, right by a sunlit window. He mused, "I'll just amble over there, then climb to the top of that pitchfork." ...thinking, "I'll use the handle as my launch-pad, and then -- I'll surely be able to fly-off, to sun myself."

Overburdened, it was an arduous walk, but the fly managed to remove himself from the dung-pile. The fly got across the floor to the pitchfork, then slowly made his way to the top. He flapped his wings [more loud buzzing], then he pushed-off and into the air! But alas, he was still too heavy ...and FELL straight-down, to the floor...

All of the heffers flinched, upon hearing the [loud] SPLAT !!!

The horse-fly was dead (squashed, his fly-body spread across the floor, in poo)...

The Moral of the Story? (click-on & read "comments")...

Hillbilly (farm) "PlayStation"
(Grab the fly-swatter!)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Sinning Obliges...

Wall Street and the Big Banks will NEVER "self-regulate".

They're in it for the "G-R-E-E-D". Are we being taken for fools? Let's impose rigid rules (LAWS); mandatory (public) AUDITS; huge FINES to "compensate" misbehavior; JAIL-TIME for CEO's whose "wages" violate the rudiments of "common sense". How about adding the DEATH PENALTY for those who've "made off" with BILLION$ that had been "entrusted" to them?

While we're at it, let's cut the CRAP (much of which is muddling-up the topic of Healthcare) and let's FORCE the "pharma" companies to speak the TRUTH. Come now, does anyone really need to, "Ask/talk to your doctor..." every time a blue pill gets popped? Let's get real - it's about "legaleeze" and "money". Your family physician would be the one sued (while those Pharma companies avoid stepping-up to the plate - whenever their "better living through Chemistry" goes haywire)!

Cute, but seriously, this is serious B.S.

Next, just ask yourself many "subscriptions" have been shoved "up yours" (e.g. Internet, Cable, Satellite, Cellphone, Telephone, Home Security, etc.)? How many of those companies are now "plugged-in" to your bank account (usually, for a period of YEARS without a fair-play "opt-out")?

Has your Credit Card provider RAISED their interest rate to something EXHORBITANT of late? Or were they asleep at the wheel (while exploiting tax-payer dollars and "sense" to benefit themselves)?

Have YOU been CHASE'd yet?

Care to "switch" to a different auto insurance company? EVERY offer "claims" to save money for anyone dumb enough to have "switched" (on average) ...meaningless statistics.

What about "in-store rebates"? Three foot-long receipts and fine print that will cause your eyes to ache ... i.e. your money into their pockets 'now', your money back in your pocket 'later' (if ever). Like it, or lump it?

Scams, scams, and more scams!

When a "service" isn't; when a so-called "savings" isn't; when a great "offer" isn't; when a "product" isn't - then what is it?


The people who impose all of this nonsense are cheaters and liars. Worse, the legal profession helped to make it so. Can anyone (honestly) disagree? Take note of just how many of the law-makers, are lawyers? Honest, straight-talkers - trustworthy folks?

This feeding-frenzy began a long time ago - "pork" anyone?

Has EVERY facet of "money-making" been transformed into a scam? Is it not "high-time" to roll-out the guillotines (see next entry)?
Me Thinks

Don't lose your head (take the 5th)!

Ever notice? How certain people (you know the ones)... "go silent" because they're well-aware of their GUILT! Moreover, those same individuals (usually) don't give a rat's ass about anything (nor anyone), but themselves.

Me thinks that France had it RIGHT all those years ago. Let's roll-out a "guillotine" for use at public executions...

" Vive le pays de Napoléon Bonaparte !!! "

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Revolutionary Roads?

Not all who wander, are lost.

Freedom comes to she and/or he who, rethink(s) the thunk...
Me Thinks

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Into a BLACK HOLE (the value of the US Dollar)?

Friday, the 30-stock Dow Jones industrial average finished higher by 78.07 points, or 0.80%, at 9,864.94 - the highest closing level in a year...

The broad Standard & Poor's 500-stock index was up 6.01 points, or 0.56%, at 1,071.49. The tech-heavy Nasdaq composite index gained 15.35 points, or 0.72%, to 2,139.28. On the New York Stock Exchange, 18 stocks were higher in price for every 11 that declined. Breadth on the Nasdaq was 18-8 positive. Market players were looking to next week's earnings reports and retail sales and industrial production data - to see if a recovery will be picking up steam - to justify strong gains since March. The stock market will be open on the Columbus Day holiday while the bond market will be closed. Treasuries plunged Friday as Bernanke acknowledged that the Fed will eventually have to hike rates. The battered dollar index was higher on Bernanke's comments. The Wall Street Journal reported Friday that the biggest story in the world economy is the continuing fall of the U.S. dollar (or at least it is - everywhere outside of Washington, D.C.)...

Me Thinks

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Easy as Apple Pie, let's eat within Euclidean space!

When the diameter of a CIRCLE equals one, its circumference is "Pi", i.e.
Binary 11.00100100001111110110…
Decimal 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288…
Hexadecimal 3.243F6A8885A308D31319…

Did you know that Aristarchus was the FIRST to recognize that the Earth rotates around the Sun? No, it wasn't Copernicus (his reference to Aristarchus was suppressed in his final work on the subject). The plagerism of heliocentric cosmology ? Yes, indeed.

And THAT too, is perfectly "irrational".
Me Thinks

Friday, September 18, 2009

Living ONE HUNDRED years...

Today, mother began her 100th year of life (her 99th birthday), thus 99 years of living are behind her...

So, what are the odds of living to 100?

Mankind has come a long way. In the recent past, the odds of becoming a centenarian were about 1-in-20 million, but today those odds can be as great as: 1-in-50. A world fact: in developed countries - girls, who were the first born, to caucasian mothers, aged to 25 years (or younger) are the most likely to live to 100...

Here's an approximate summary of the progression of global (historical) Average Life Expectancy:

Stone Age = 20 years
Bronze Age = 18
Early Rome = 28
Medieval Times = 33
End of 19th Century = 37
Early 20th Century = 50
1940's = 65
Present (circa 2009) = 77-81 years.

Quite naturally, the major factor in determining life expectancy is always, Genetics.

But other factors well within a person's control will also have an influence. It has a lot to do with Common Sense and the maintenance of a healthy lifestyle - by keeping fit; good diet; conscientious hygiene; the preservation of balanced mental health; and stress management. It's a complex matrix and difficult to quantify just how much each of those play a part. What is certain, is that substance abuse shortens one's life dramatically (smoking, for example has a very significant negative impact because of the inreased risk of both heart failure and cancer).

A truism?

By the time an individual arrives at 90, he or she has gotten past a lot of the things that have already killed most of their contemporaries. It's an irony, but those statistics may become rather irrelevant in the next 20-30 years - as medical technologies advance (including genetic engineering, stem-cell therapy, bionics, nanotechnology, and rejuvenation therapy). Indeed, the human lifespan could be pushed out to 150, 200, 300 or more years (assuming you can afford the price tag).

I for one, would love to live to 100!

What an achievement to have lived for an entire century! And to have witnessed so many varied world events, and seen so many innovations come to be, or pass into obsolesence.

Yes, I would love to live to 100 (provided that I don't become a burden for my loved ones), and provided that I still have "all my marbles". I think that living to 100 would be marvellous!

By the way, my (Me Thinks)
calculated life expectancy is 98!

Mother has always said, "I shall grow old, gracefully." To that, I would add, "A great life is not to be counted as the number of years we survive, rather - it's all about HOW we live them." I cannot recall ever seeing her angry, nor hearing her pronounce a foul word, or saying anything unpleasant about another person... She knows inner calm. She is also the most "other-centered" and genuinely "giving" and loving person I've even known.

May EVERYONE "love to 100" and live to set an example for others my mother has done for almost a CENTURY.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

P.S. Our "record holder", was one of mother's STREMMEL relatives - a gal who lived to the ripe old age of, 105. Another, reached 103. Two of her sisters made it to 94 and 92. Mom was her mother's 5th-born child - when Mary was 37.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Grandparents' Day 2009

"Any attempt at alienating a child from the other parent (or from a child's Grandparents) should be seen as a direct and willful violation of one of the prime duties of parenthood..." -Florida Bar Association

Ask your legislative representative(s) to enact provisions that will GUARANTEE a Grandparent's access to their grandchildren! In most U.S. States, there are no laws to ensure that children have unfettered access to those whom they love, and who love them...

U.S. Census Bureau Report: "The Bush Years"

Read the US Census Bureau Report. The "Bush Years" did not leave behind a legacy of "greatness" (far from it). In fact, on every major measurement, the Census Bureau report shows that the country lost ground during Bush's two terms. While G.W. was in office, some poignant examples:

- Median household income, declined.
- Poverty, increased.
- Childhood poverty increased, (even more).
- Number of Americans without health insurance, spiked.

By contrast, the country's condition improved on each of those Census Bureau measures during the two terms while (Democrat) Bill Clinton was in the White House (often substantially). What an irony, that many of those who voted Republican during the last election (or for Bush during the preceeding two) are absolutely enraged by the possibility of any change...

Your thoughts?

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Humility makes one great, and honorable twice (it directs our best thoughts to favor others, in lieu of one's self).

Friday, August 21, 2009

Hovering under a Halo of Hubris?

Hubris (/hjuːbrɪs/) (ancient Greek ὕβρις): overweening; arrogance; an outrageous act or exhibition of pride, or a disregard for basic morals, ethics, and law.

"The three chief anti-virtues of a Marketeer are: self-promotion, incompetence, and hubris."

"Don't own the personal hubris to assume that the book you're writing is going to get published."

"The antidote to hubris - to superciliousness - is (irony), that capacity to discover and systematize ideas. Or, as Emerson insisted, the development of: Consciousness, consciousness, consciousness."

"Our environmental problems originate in the hubris of imagining ourselves as the central nervous system (the brain) of nature. We're not the brain, we're the cancer."

"It's only hubris, if I fail." -Julius Caesar

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Mass Extinction (underway)...

An undercover agent from U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service displays endangered "Ornithoptera Alexandrae" butterflies - seized during a 'sting' (the male butterfly is at the top). Also known as "Queen Alexandra's Birdwing", the specie is among the largest and rarest in the world.

This insect has a wingspan up to one foot and can be found flying high above the rainforest in Papua New Guinea. A pair sells for more than $10,000 on the black market. Exotic living things are still being killed, to be sold to the highest bidder...

Where is this old world headed?

Wednesday, August 05, 2009


NORTH KOREA: a round of applause, for former U.S. President, William Jefferson Clinton!

As for you Kim Jung-il (dictator, tyrant, and criminal), most of the planet awaits your demise with great impatience. Should one of your sons (or son-in-law) perpetuate your legacy of crimes against humanity, he too shall become the bain of FREE peoples, everywhere.

A lengthy "burn" in HELL (your own) is assured...

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Getting NOTHING, for something...

Ah yes, the United States of America. For the People, by the People? Country First? Good luck. Let FREEDOM ring, but Me Thinks that the time has come, to RENAME this ailing land.

Something along the lines of:

The US of E. - "The United States of Entertainment" (Vive Blueray!)
The US of G. - "The United States of Greed" (Not God?)
The US of O. - "The United States of Obama" (Wannabe god.)

That's right, E+G+O - "The U.S. of Ego" ...that of Corporate "Healthcare" America!

What with all the 'tweet' about Healthcare, seems that everyone has forgotten that those businesses are all about making MONEY (aka, "profits"). Logically, are those "operations" [pun] about "PREVENTIVE" medicine, or about "CURATIVE" medicine"? Seems to me, that having lots of unhealthy (sick) "customers" would be one heck of a lot more PROFITABLE (more so, than helping folks to "prevent" themselves from becoming ill). Or (perish the thought), by having "customers" who succeed at living within "wellness", by maintaining and enjoying, consistent Good Health!

Our grandparents had no bona fide Healthcare companies to "care" for them. (Obviously, one doesn't "miss" what one never knew.) Grandma and Grandpa had no "concerned" money makers to "share" their paycheck (during those days gone by)... You'd think that our ancestors (recent past, to ancient past) were always sickly (dropping like flies). Goodness sakes! Call a Law firm. You (might) have Mesothelioma! (Get some money for nothing, and your kicks for free?)

Geeze, "Living" itself must have been HELL for Grandma 'N Grandpa (unhealthy all the time)?

Nah. Bullscheist! Pure propoganda! Corporate America (The U.S. of Ego) has CREATED that perception of need (while the balance of Corporate America supplied "healthy" JUNK-FOOD to get the "sick people" ball, rolling). Just, drop-by for FAST-FOOD, anywhere. Then, "Ask your doctor" (for a pill to cure whatever ails you)! We've been brainwashed onto mindless pathways that lead towards POOR HEALTH. We wanted it. We suckered for it. We pay for it.

Now we're REALLY going to pay...

Hell no! I would prefer my own (independent) private Physician, one who still does housecalls (and who knows me by name). Someone who KNOWS my medical history and gives a damn.

But no, THAT would be COMMON SENSE. Alas, things are getting crazier and less sensible (less sensitive) by the day.

What is the PRICETAG on life (to remain alive)?
What is the PRICETAG on the quality (of that life)?
What is the PRICETAG of curative (vs. preventive)?

Consider this: The United States spends US$ 7,290 on health care per person, per year - while the average spent by the 30 most developed countries is US$ 2,960. It is unacceptable that we have so much more of our money tied up in health care, yet we are not delivering demonstrably better health care than many of these countries. Studies show that the U.S. ranks below average on major health indicators, including infant mortality and life expectancy, when compared with the rest of the world. We currently rank 44th in infant mortality and 30th in life expectancy, with the average American living to 78 years of age. By comparison, Japan spends $2,550 on health care per person each year - just over a third of what the U.S. spends - and boasts a life expectancy of 83 years.

Sarcasm: how in the world did our ancestors "get by" without ANY of the "Ask your Doctor" medications - before BIG pharma companies (for PROFIT), and BIG healthcare (for PROFIT) came along? The whole SCAM of health and medicine in America (The US of Ego) is a sham (there shall be no "premature exhaltation" coming [pun] from this horny old man). What does "USFDA" stand for (really)... ? Is it similar to, "FUBAR"?

For-profit healthcare will NEVER place WELLNESS or WELL-BEING of a patient first.

The current delivery system has built-in incentives to create and maintain a General Public in a POOR state of health - not prevention, not cures! Such organizations should be rewarded (paid), and allowed to innovate (profit) - but ONLY when a patient is "cured" (or kept healthy). Why should any organization be "rewarded" for failure?

Or am I crazy?

The "politics" of Healthcare, has everything to do with the "money-making" motives of Healthcare". Let's make sure that the ONLY priority is "health success". Let us ensure that profitability is NEVER allowed to be the engine that empowers a Health (Wellness) system.

As a footnote, one cannot set goals that aren't attainable. As they say in French, "La Fontaine ne peut grimper qu'à l'hauteur de sa source." (A fountain cannot surge higher than its spring.) If a Government-run Healthcare plan is to be based upon corporate profits (without the guarantees of sustainability, motivated by health-success - by placing the personal HEALTH of every INDIVIDUAL first), I'll be the first to say, "Lick my buttons!" and "Kiss my axe!"

You know, this whole process resembles a bankruptcy - that of a "Psychic-Readings" studio. Whenever one of those fails, shouldn't the resident "prognosticator" have been able to predict their own collapse, so as to have prevented the event?

Such rationale doesn't exactly instill confidence, does it?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Working hard at play? Playing hard at work?

A child's "play", is their "work". The trick in life - is to become an adult for whom, one's work IS play!

Me Thinks

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Vive la France! Bastille Day!

Bonne Anniversaire la Belle France!

(My daughters are 1/2 French.)

Thursday, July 09, 2009

On Time & Relativity - Part 1

The Theory of Relativity provides a sense of fascination for most thinkers, Me Thinks.

But similarly, it is often regarded as abstract, and difficult to understand. Part of that challenge is due to the fact that relativistic effects contradict everyone's, everyday experience.

When an object (of mass) moves at a velocity approaching the
speed of light, it's inherent properties are changed in surprising ways. There are three relativistic effects that occur on objects with mass. These are:

length contraction
time dilation
mass increase

Relativistic effects occur on any object (moving at any speed), but these effects are infinitesimally insignificant (largely, very small - giggle) unless the object is moving at a noticeable fraction of the speed of light (approximately 3.0 X 10^8 m/s).

AKA: Any mass, in motion.

It's our most familiar process - one that we all know "from experience".
Motion (as we "experience" it) is comprised of neither time dilation nor length contraction. A displacement at half the speed of light could correct this misjudgment (but it's not on offer just yet, I shall let you know).

Q. What is the minimum speed for relativistic effects?
A. There is no minimum speed for relativistic effects.

(Imagine that an Indy car is your
'time machine'. Your subjective elapsed time is shorter in a fast loop around the track, than it would have been if you had remained at the starting line. The catch is that at such speeds, the effect is very small - your relativistic clock would read [perhaps] slower by a couple of trillionths of a second. Eureka! Must one specify the degree of the desired relativistic effect? Yes.)

A possible alternative to an actual relativistic experience is simulation: i.e. cinematographic imagery (virtual reality). It allows us to conceptualize
relativistic flight, gravitational collapse, compact objects (collapsed stars, for example) and other extreme conditions. Extreme?

Well yes, extreme to-the-extreme (very small, but large? giggle)!

The general Theory of Relativity is also a theory of
gravitation. Its peculiar predictions (like the deflection of light) are not part of our everyday life (the gravity of the earth is simply too weak to impress mere mortals). Nope, there's nothing THAT extreme happening anywhere nearby, albiet our Sun does a nicer job of it. Let us look into Space. That's where the everyday experiences of even mortal men will reach those extremes. And in no time (pun).

I've yet to provide my readers (as promised) with "time words" - redefined or invented. Patience (is going to be one of them)...

At the beginning of the 20th century, the theory of relativity was considered to be one of the most difficult and abstract theories in science. This is expressed (e. g.) in Herr Einstein's famous question, "Why is it that nobody understands me and everybody likes me?" Or, in the anecdote on Sir Arthur Eddington, who (when someone remarked that he probably was "one of the three men in the world who really understood relativity theory") replied, "I do not know who might be the third."

I suspect that there are a few more than three today. Were it that everyone be so enabled, alas. Onwards. Why does time appear to run slower near a
gravitational field?

General Relativity. The geometric theory of gravitation developed by Albert Einstein, incorporating and extending the theory of special relativity to accelerated frames of reference and introducing the principle that gravitational and inertial forces are equivalent. The theory has consequences for the bending of light by massive objects (the nature of
Black Holes) and indeed, the fabric of space and time.

General Relativity. It predicts that time should pass more slowly when near a massive body. This is because there is a relation between the energy of light and its frequency: the greater the energy, the higher the frequency. As light travels upward in a gravitational field, it loses energy and so its frequency goes down. This means that the length of time between one wave crest and the next goes up. To an observer high up, it would appear that everything below was taking longer to happen. (This prediction was first tested in
1962 using a pair of very accurate clocks mounted at the top and bottom of a water tower. The clock at the bottom, i.e. nearer the Earth, was found to run slower, in exact agreement with General Relativity.)

Life for folks in New York (when compared to) life for folks at Denver - is INDEED a march to the beat of a different drummer! Let us not compare the "Big Apple" to the "Mile High" city, but rather to a somewhat smaller, Orange...

Do citrus trees grow in Colorado?

Did you know (relatively speaking), that the surface of the Earth (proportionately scaled) is far (FAR) smoother than the most convoluted wrinkles of an Orange peal?

And so it is...

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Never give up, Never give up, Never give up!

Happy Father's Day!
To all the Dads

(And other unsung heros AKA, meritorious Step-Dads)...

See [link]:
Every Day is Father's Day

WI State Governor underwrites "Me Thinks", thinking.
See [links]:

2009 Wisconsin State Fatherhood Week

Official Gubernatorial Proclamation

From the White House, about Responsible Parenthood...
See [link]:

On the 100th anniversary of Father's Day.

Every day is Father's Day - yes, it takes a MAN to be a Dad!

Yerkes Observatory (Williams Bay, Wisconsin USA)

My son and I revisited Yerkes Observatory yesterday (yet again). It's a shrine (of sorts) to knowledge itself, Me Thinks. To maintain a father-son "tradition", we always breathe deep, and take-in an extra breath (or two), for good measure - just in case a few molecules of the air once-inhaled by Albert Einstein, yet linger...

Upon arrival in America, the celebrated German scientist was asked about his plans, to which Einstein responded, "I want to go to The Observatory!" He did quite exactly, that...


Yerkes Observatory (World's largest refractory telescope).
Albert (During his Geneva Lake visit of May 6, 1921.)
3) Theory of Relativity (casual reading for the reading casual).

After all, I did tell you (dear readers) that we would eventually engage a dicussion of, "Time" (it's being prepared, and shall be published in "due course" [pun]... ).

The same photo (of the Yerkes star-studded [pun] group) hangs on the wall of my dining room, under a clock, whereupon it is written (most suitably), "Tempus Fugit".

R.I.P. (Requiescant In Pace)

P.S. In that cherished photo, find: Herr Albert, Mr. Charles. T. Yerkes, astronomer Geo. E. Hale, and others... I am offering a prize to whomever can name EVERYONE who figures in that ever-so-historical shot. The original is preserved as a glass-plate negative (part of the archives of the University of Chicago). My copy was produced directly from that negative the curator (bragging is obliged and allowed here).

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Millions of Billions (not talk about mere money)...

Millions and Billions, (not "McDonalds"), indeed Billions of Trillions... countless Quadrillions! Let us talk about the "Digital Revolution".

Credit where credit is due, "
kudos" go to Silicon Valley! I was a priviledged participant during its earliest days... The Digital Revolution is still changing "life as we knew it".

Increasingly, we live in a world of (technological) moving targets which have no moving parts. They move fast. It has also become a world of superlatives, because World Records change almost "faster" than CHANGE, itself. Literally? (At "
light speed" that is provably true, albeit that I may have to "invent" the language of "time" itself to do so ...but we shall speak of "Time & Relativity" another day).

Personal Computing" has become a truly great gift to all Humanity (having come to useful fruition in less than a lifetime). One has to wonder about the past... How did motivated people (for whom passion, was an omni-present thirst for knowledge) keep-track of their work-in-progress? Anyone who "hungers" for KNOWLEDGE also has a gigantic "data management" problem to solve. Such can be a daunting organizational task.

For the sake of this dialogue - just imagine what the most celebrated "Minds" of the past could have done with computing devices placed at their disposition (24 X 7)! The comparison renders their myriad accomplishments all the more amazing.

I shall pause in silence, momentarily humbled by that thought...


I've been PRIVILEDGED to know quite a few people who "thirst" and who "hunger"... Almost all of them have seen their lives become inexorably intertwined with a daily usage of computing machines.

My first contact with digital computation was back in 1970-71. I was an undergrad at a
private college. The Physics Lab had just taken delivery on a "table-top" calculator. SHARP produced a unit that had a 16-digit, alpha-numeric display in the form of "Nixie" tubes (those formed orange-colored characters: 0-9, A-to-Z, +, -, /, *, and a "period" to represent decimal displacements). It weighed-in at about 30 pounds (14 kilos). The cost in 1970's US Dollars, was about $18,000.

Everyone who was mathematically inclined, wanted to try-out the Physlab's "new", "brain-toy". In no time, students were obliged to sign-up and stand in line, to get a "time-slot" (the machine was very much in-demand - at saturation over-night). Digital computation at a personal level, was an instant success all around the World.

Philosophically, in my lifetime (age 58, Sep'09) we've gone from a society of the HAVES and HAVE-NOTS - to a society of THOSE-WHO-KNOW and THOSE-WHO-KNOW-NOT. Sadly, we still have an Elite, the dwindling Middle-class, and many more Poor. But we have a growing number of people "who know"! Power to the People?

Knowledge empowers. Knowledge is power.

Most importantly: to remember, is to know!

Those who have access to knowledge (and LOTS of it), can be profoundly EMPOWERED by it. This has held true for the knowledge itself - MASSIVE amounts of KNOWLEDGE! The creators of the ancient
Library of Alexandria, Egypt would certainly revel at the formidable amount of information that has become available: from almost anywhere, to almost anyone (e.g. GOOGLE and its competitive peers). The experience has expanded as an exponential, thanks to the dynamics of binary engines.

To Mr.
Babbage, a hats-off... To Mr. Boole, a bow.

From a purely economic perspective: it is an AMAZING fact that ANYONE can purchase (at almost ANY consumer
electronics store), powerful computing machines for under $1000 (2009 US Dollars). The consumer can easily add data storage, in 1, 2, or 3-Terabyte increments (and for under $250 retail). That reality is utterly STUNNING by the standards of 1970. Such capability was literally unimaginable, back in those days. Indeed, no one foresaw what was coming in its entirety. More is on the way.

Speaking of Terabytes, is the "
Hubble" telescope back on-line? A whole Universe awaits us!

We can all be pleased to be alive at this time in the history of mankind. The experience leaves the mind to wander and to wonder, "What will come next to revolutionize our world?" What will be the REALITY in 10, or 100, or 1000, or even 10000 years? How long will we endure as a species? Or, will all of mankind's endeavors be for naught? Excuse me, I've diverged...

Who wouldn't like to live on? Who wouldn't want to see MORE of what is "yet to come"? Would we be overwhelmed? Would we recognize that world? Me Thinks that all of us alive today, would be overcome with awe... Nothing of our world would remain. Nothing would still be recognizable. We are certain to be superseded.

It's in the cards...

My almost "
100-year-young" Mother has seen incredible change, and yet...

I for one, think FORWARD in terms of
POSITIVES. I foresee almost unlimited progress (KNOWLEDGE) ahead - to satiate those who thirst onwards within a mindset of the intellectually famished.

Notradamus was wrong, and Armageddon is NOT coming (well, not just yet).

As some of my readers know, I operate two hi-tech businesses
[1] [2] from a home office (with "Greening" in mind, I go to the cities as little as possible). My primary MEDIA SERVER is as much of a "play-thing" as it is a "work horse" - a dray, a "French Percheron"? It's VERY "paperless" ...all muscle!

Across the past few months, I've transferred volumes of binary data from 1100 (legal) music CD's (I've about 250 more to go.) There are now 8,275
MP3 music files online. I'm now looking forward to a similar "mini-project" -- that of, transcribing aging 33-RPM records, Then I plan to repair and replicate my father's (far older) 78's -- converting those into WAV files (so I can burn CD's of the 78's for family). Then, I shall treat myself to a "retro"-fest, listening to my 33's (digitally corrected) as MP3's, of course.

That server (one of several in my home) now has 375,000 files of PIX, photos, music (MP3,
MIDI, sheet music, S3M, MOD, etc), references, navigation maps, antique maps, e-Books, dictionaries, encyclopedias, bi-lingual dictionaries, thesaurus, books on math, physics, biology, anthropology, astronomy, chemistry, botany, paleontology, and more... including a "backup" (duplicate) of my 20,000-name genealogy -- and all the related (pun), accumulated documents.

The data can be accessed by ANY computer recognized (as "safe") within my network. The files can be READ (only), not WRITTEN. The only way to "write" to the server, is to TRANSFER files into a TEMP folder, or to add them directly from CD's or DVD's. It's a SUPER secure setup, as you would imagine. Firewall, anti-spy, anti-virus, anti-SPAM ...a "meal" in and of itself?

What is AMAZING is that (of the 1.0 Tera bytes available from that server), only 168 Gigs have been used. If I combine ALL of the storage that I have on my network (adding-in the storage of computers that are turned-off, or stored), I have about 2.75 Tera bytes -- all to myself (and my 11-year old son). That's 2.75 Thousand Billion! or Two Trillion, Seven Hundred and Fifty BILLION.

The BIG numbers cease to sink-in at some stage... ("whopper" sounds good, or "gigantic").

My network is composed of about 20 Million files. I had to become very organized, to say the least.

For the GEEK in you (my reader), a new world record was set in November last year (2008): the first computing machines in the world broke the
PETA-flop boundary. The IBM "Roadrunner" barely managed to cling to the top spot, fending off a challenge from the Cray "Jaguar". But both competitors broke Peta-flop speeds, performing 1.105 and 1.059 QUADRILLION floating-point calculations per second, the first two computers to do so.

A quadrillion? Yes. If I had that many pennies, I could (literally) buy the USA and most of the planet. That's one thousand-million-million (or, one-million-billion) -- i.e. ten to the fifteenth power. Mere pocket change? No mere talk about money. It's called, "number crunching".

Back in 1970, I had just "aced" a college course in "Slide rule". As a backup, I need to locate my "counting frame" (abacus)? It's here -- somewhere... in the meantime, my 1974 Hewlett Packard, HP-21 still serves me quite nicely. Whereas, my all-magnesium, "
Pickett Scientific" (slide rule) has become an antique...

Just like like me.
Me Thinks.

P.S. My first true "personal computer" was one of my own manufacture ...a "home-brew" machine built upon "
Cromemco" electronic S-100 "guts". That was way back in 1975-78. As of this writing, I have more than 75 modern computers at my beck 'N call. Four of the fastest, run GIMPS calculations all day, every day discover new Prime Numbers (number theory), just for fun! Doesn't everybody? Dih-dih-dih-dah! The the letter "V" in Morse Code (the Roman Numeral for "5"), the opening phrase to Beethoven's 5th, or 0001, as per Boole - and the "Rain Man" knows all of that. "Hi Kim!"

Thursday, June 04, 2009

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم)

"Salam", to my readers and friends around the World.

When I was a child (of Norwegian, German Saxon & Bavarian origins), I grew-up in Illinois, within a Protestant Methodist, Christian household. As a family, we maintained a tradition of reciting this prayer (whenever we sat down together for meals):

"God is Good, God is Great.
And we thank Him for this food.
By His hands we all are fed.
Thank you God, for our daily bread."

The wording of that benediction parallels the (same) prayer in many languages. Indeed, once translated, the concepts conveyed by those words are components of the tenets of several World religions. I am thinking of: "God is Good", "God is Great" - in particular.

The takbīr or takbeer (تَكْبِير) is the Arabic name for the phrase Allāhu Akbar, الله أكبر. Usually translated as, "God is great" or "God is [the] greatest," it is a common Arabic expression, used as both an informal expression of faith and as a formal declaration. Note that (in the spoken language of Jesus Christ), the word for God, is "Allah".

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم) is an Arabic spoken greeting used by Muslims, as well as Arab Christians and Jews.

That greeting was used today by US President, Barak Obama.

I for one, am PROUD to have this fine gentleman representing the American people abroad. His pronunciation was correct. His usage was one of respect. He did honor to his hosts, and to himself. While it is true that Obama has stated (during public speaking engagements) that his African, Muslim father was "agnostic", his father's past was deeply rooted in Islam. Mr. Obama has been wise to draw upon his intimate familiarity with customs and language.

Admittedly, I have a bias in this matter.

Three of my children are half-American. One is married to an African. They (like Mr. Obama) have parents who share two nationalities and two belief systems. Those two sets of values stem from two very different ethnic cultures and two very distinct political systems.

My daughters, their mother, and I invested the time and energy to learn and KNOW more than one language (fluently) - several, in fact.

I am doubly PROUD to have a US President whose international savvy includes a diverse knowledge of culture and language - moreover, to such a degree that he could (and did) quote passages from the Holy Koran. In addition, he was apt (and able) to greet his "hosts" (abroad), in THEIR language. BRAVO!

At last! America has a intelligent, broad-based knowledgeable, and worldly person in the White House. (Thomas Jefferson MUST be pleased ...smiling, from the hereafter.)

Mr. Obama is distinguishing himself as a class-act statesman, an intellectual, but also a man sensitized to the needs and values of grass-roots folk in this great land, and the World.

Were it that he could speak a dozen languages, or more (so as to best articulate the message of Peace and sane international dealings), that would be wonderful! The world needs competence from its leadership...

May "His will be done." Or (again), in Arabic language, Inch'Allah (arabeg: إن شاء الله in šaʾ Allāh), "As God would will it".

What an irony, that some Americans make ridicule of cultures (about which) a sad majority know little to nothing - too often by, misquoting, mispronouncing, misrepresenting, stereotyping, and misunderstanding the peoples for whom they formulate mindless slurs. (I am most impressed by their stupidity, not by their ignorance.)

Too many Americans have remained intellectually lazy - all those who have remained ignorant of the great diversity and profound interest of this vast, wide world. Those who seem to value their personal status quo far more, than knowledge.

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم) Mr. President!

The term "Salam" in Arabic means "Peace".
Me Thinks (do you?)

P.S. The salutation, "Salam" is used throughout the world (by approximately, 1.7 billion Muslims) to greet each other daily. It is the greeting which is truly the most universal of greetings used by Mankind.

P.P.S. Today, I choose to describe myself as: Spiritual, not Religious - I seek to practice a "religion" of mutual respect.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Loving deserving...

A loving, deserving man harbors not misogyny, nor does he teach the contempt of women.

A loving, deserving woman harbors not misandry, nor does she teach the contempt of men.

Being a RAGE wright is not a right, a rite, nor Right.
"He was a well good wright." (Christ was a fine carpenter.)


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Demagoguery of Greed...

Its a shame that CREDIT CARDS aren't "land-fill" friendly ...because that's where I'd like to send mine (dead, buried, and a'moldering-in-the-grave).

JP Morgan CHASE just jacked-up my rate to 29.24% -- despite the fact that I pay on time, have never been late, delinquent, or over my assigned balance limit.

The medias have reported that this sort of NONSENSE was (suddenly) imposed upon millions of card-holders. Gee! Aren't we surprised? Did everyone take note of the fact that such gentile changes to the "TERMS and CONDITIONS of USE" occurred - just before President Obama signed the "common sense" CreditCard legislation into law? Very jokie...

The card companies "claim" to offer the consumer "an option". You 'may' pay IN FULL (if you don't like their demagoguery)...

So wazzup?

This NONSENSE is staunch proof (all of it, negative) of GREED! We Americans have become THE premier "me first society of the planet". Corporations who behave like this should be subjected to mandatory refunds and HUGE fines (likewise payable in full). Didn't we, the citizenry of this "free" country, just "bail-out" these ass-holes?

Memo to myself: time for a "Balance Transfer" to another card company. Like most of working America, I'm too BROKE to pay off my balance in full...

And you?

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Anonymous Point of View...

The horizon of most people, is a circle with a radius of zero.

They call it their point of view.
-Albert Einstein

Monday, May 04, 2009

Execs TWITTER (your) time away?

If you run a business, you probably (also) OWN all of the servers and workstations at your company. Here's a simple (and virtually cost-free) suggestion for your I.T. SysAdmin: BLOCK all of the following websites...


It's HIGH TIME that your employees get down to business! Are your Execs "twittering" their time away (at YOUR expense)? Clearly, the rules of social networking engagement are still evolving, but does time spent at any of the above websites enhance your BOTTOM LINE? Either these tools are shedding light on business issues, or are they're just a distraction ...and I assert that all "distractions" ARE a total waste of time.

It's your call. Me Thinks.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

The genetics of death: H1N1

The W.H.O. (World Health Organization) escalated the ongoing pandemic to a LEVEL 5 alert status, just yesterday (in an attempt at containment).

"Influenza A virus subtype H1N1", also known as "A(H1N1)", or simply "H1N1" - is a subtype of influenza virus A, and the most common cause of influenza in humans.

Discussion: In each time and each place, mankind has always sought to avoid disease. Historically, we've tried to limit the diffusion of diseases.

Surely, I am not alone to have taken notice of the fact that ALL of the deaths attributed to H1N1 (to date) have occurred in persons of Hispano American origin.

Let us also take note of the ethnological fact, that a very large percentage of the human populations alive today (from the Hispano American region)... is genetically speaking, descended from the aboriginal peoples who lived in isolation (from the balance of planetary populations) for at least 12,000 years, and possibly longer...

Genetic studies conducted by the NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC SOCIETY have produced "genographic" mappings which describe the genetic-geographic origins of the peoples of the world (based upon DNA samples obtained from humans, all over the planet). Their statistical results connect (and disconnect) the "families" of the Planet, and span a sea of time...

It is clear, that all of Mankind has ties to the most ancient of the "Out of Africa" genealogies. Since anthropological times, the descendants of those "men" have bound all humans alive today to a common ancestry. But that same expanse of time served to produce the divergences of race, and the geographic isolation of entire populations. Both have fostered the evolution of immunities (and vulnerability) to specific types of disease.

Could it not be, that the H1N1 victims (Mexican descendants of ancient American peoples), have an inherent genetic predisposition (vulnerability) that other genetic groups may not share (carry)?

Are the "purest" aboriginal, Hispano Americans alive today, not part of a remnant population - the result of the varied geographic isolations of time? And does not such an inheritance, make them who they are today (from an immunology perspective)? And perhaps, particularly vulnerable?

Time will tell, and history is a wondrous teacher.

As the first Europeans arrived in meso-America (during the XV, XVI, XVII, and XVIII centuries), they also introduced an entire array of communicable diseases. Some of those ailments ultimately ravaged the indigenous aboriginal populations. Indeed, entire cultures were virtually obliterated.

Is it not true that disease became the most efficacious "Conquistador"?

The practices that were used to avoid disease (those 500 years ago), were derived from observation. And the only control measures were to stand clear from the contagious places, and to isolate sick persons (by means of the simplest of quarantines). There was merely implied epidemiologic surveillance.

The supply of safe drinking water, sewage disposal, and sanitary control of food were not habitual practices, as they are today. Food residuals - waste collection were not opportune. Those were the practices of ignorance. They favored the existence and proliferation of many parallel vectors that serviced to spread the tides of disease (including insect-borne ailments and through various animals).

Domestic waste did not simply disappear in a timely fashion. Society allowed an accumulation of excreta and waste near to dwellings. In some places, there were measures related to water supply, excreta disposal, handling of dead bodies, and environmental sanitation - but there was no knowledge of the risks, as we know them today.

It was believed that (through) ceremonials, sacrifice, processions, and prayers to various gods - prevalent diseases could be avoided.

It is certainly true that hygiene (or lack of same) is still a contributor to endemic illness across the Hispano American region, but that the larger more logical vulnerability may simply be tied to the acquired genetics - that is to say, the mere genealogical make-up of the victims. Logically, all descended from native peoples who were present 500 years ago (and perhaps as much as 20,000 years ago).

A genetic predisposition (vulnerability) to specific, albeit evolving flu strains, may well explain why the deaths are occurring inside of selected populations, but not in others...

Me Thinks

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Every Woman's (Public Restroom) experience?

(The author of the "original" is unknown to me, but this piece HAD to have been written by a woman! Here's my re-write of a version that was emailed to me.)

If you are female, you are sure to have empathy for this story...


Whenever we (ladies) are compelled to use a Public Restroom, we typically find a line of women waiting at the entrance. So, we smile politely and take our place. Once it's our turn, we check for: feet protruding from under the stall doors. Naturally, every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you (let's switch to 2nd-person) dash in - nearly knocking down the woman who was leaving the stall.

You get in, only to find the door won't latch.
It doesn't matter, the wait had been so long, that you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, someplace) is handy, but (of course) it's, empty. You would hang your purse on the door-hook, if there was one, but (uh-uh) there isn't. Next, you carefully (but quickly) drape your purse around your neck (Mom would have a fit, if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume 'The Stance'.

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold, 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the
empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs begin to shake even more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, but it's in the purse hung around your neck, that now, you have to hold up, while trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail .

Then, suddenly -- someone pushes your door open (because the latch doesn't work). The door hits your purse (still hanging around your neck) on your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, thereby dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue - straight into a puddle on the floor - losing your footing altogether, as you slide-down, directly onto the TOILET SEAT (plop). The seat is wet (of course). You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ that resides on the uncovered seat (because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try). You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew any of this, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat and because, frankly dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

Yes, Mom (you think to yourself), I know.

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes - propelling a stream of water (like a fire hose) against the inside of the bowl (it sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes). Sweet. Water everywhere (now it does look like you wet your pants, for sure). The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up.

You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're exhausted.

You try to wipe with a gum wrapper that you found in your pocket and then slink out of the stall (inconspicuously, more or less) to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it? Eh?) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your man -- who has long since entered, used, and left -- the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

You smile wryly, guarding your silence for Mom's sake.

Yes, this piece was written by a woman (anonymously, due to obvious reasons). It is dedicated to women everywhere who must deal with Public Restrooms. (Rest? You've GOT to be kidding!). It successfully explains (for all the men) what really causes we ladies to take so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom, in pairs.

It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand Kleenex to you, under the door!


Have a good one...

Restroom Experience, that is.