Following much laborious research, an undiclosed collateral lineage has been uncovered. Some may be at a loss for a response whenever others (impolitely) say, "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Some do know. Some don't. Not a relative? Well, maybe.
But now, anyone can handle the situation intellectually. It suffices to be informed. Allow me to explain...
Jack is the son of, Awe Schitt and, O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, was a fertilizer magnate, married to O. Schitt, the owner of Niedeepin Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn Jack Schitt married Noeh Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Hollie Schitt, Fullagh Schitt, Givah Schitt, Boole Schitt, and the twins: Deepp Schitt and Dipp Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deepp Schitt married Dumbe Schitt (high school drop-out).
However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noeh Schitt divorced. Noeh Schitt later remarried Theodore Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name...
She was then known as, Noeh Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dipp Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition whose name was, Chicanne Schitt. Two other of the 6 children, Fullagh Schitt and Givah Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers, at a double-wedding.
The nuptual announcement in the newspaper outlined the Schitt-Happens wedding. Soon there were three Schitt-Happens children: Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarce.
Boole Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
So now ...when someone says, "you don't know Jack Schitt," you will be postured to make suitable corrections.
"God, help me to be wiser, with respect to what I accept as truth."
A collateral relative? Unlikely. No Schitt.