Saturday, May 26, 2007

(Marketing Insults) on Father Day?

(this year it's on the 17th of June)


Let's fire all of the GUILTY Advertising Agencies! I assert that we should also DUMP their lame-ass, anti-male TV & magazine Ads! Who of (all thinking people) does not become sick-to-one's-stomach due to their BUZZ? I refer to the trendy, plethora of INSULT-THE-MEN slants that appear in advertising today!

I just hate that garbage and I for one, won't buy ANY products from the companies that use those strategies!

Or, haven't you noticed how many Ads demean "men" (males in general, and of all ages)? They make males out to be total "nincompoops" (silly, foolish, or stupid persons). And while that SLANDER is going down, all the females who appear in the Ads (also, of all ages) ...and everywhere within earshot -- busily roll their eyes while looking skyward -- acting as though they're the gloating "superior" race of "men"? Did they accept PAY to do that? Whoa!

Reverse gender-bias really does SELL! So, I suppose the terms: "ex-boyfriend", "ex-fiancé", and "ex-husband" qualify me as, "pre-owned" ...and thus "on sale", "a great deal" -- just a few less "MPG", at an affordable "APR", and at a "Mfgrs" price below "invoice"?

Do you see what I mean?

And while I'm on the subject of "STUPID" stuff -- let's add these terms to a list of "ban-em-forever", all-American buzzwords:

ARMED ROBBERY/DRUG DEAL GONE BAD: From the news reports. What degree of "bad" don't we understand? -- "After it stopped going well and good?"

ASK YOUR DOCTOR: The chewable-vitamin, morphine-of-marketing! -- "Ask your doctor if 'fill in the blank' is right for you! Heck, just take one and see if it makes you 'fill in the blank' or get deathly ill." -- "I don't think my doctor would appreciate my calling him after seeing a TV ad." I suggest that you ask your attorney to talk to 'the manufacturer' -- about all their disclaimers -- with reference to all the side-effects -- (spoken) "as-fast-as-they-can-speak".

AWESOME: Given a one-year moratorium in the mid-80's, when the Unicorn Hunters banished it ...during which it is to be rehabilitated until it means 'fear mingled with admiration or reverence' -- a feeling produced by something majestic." I say that there's no hope and it's time for "the full banishment. "The kind of tennis shoes you wear, no matter how clumsy, and that don't fit the majestic design of the word." -- "That a mop, a deodorant or a dating service can be called 'awesome' demonstrates the limited vocabulary of the country's copywriters." -- "Overused and meaningless.' My mother was hit by a car.' Awesome. 'I just got my college degree in English.' Awesome."

BOASTS: See classified advertisements for houses, as in "master bedroom boasts his-and-her fireplaces -- "It's never 'bathroom apologizes for cracked linoleum,' or 'kitchen laments pathetic placement of electrical outlets.'"

CHIPOTLE: Smoked dry over medium heat. -- "Not so long ago, ...a roasted jalapeno. Now we have a 'chipotle' burrito with 'chipotle' marinated meat, 'chipotle' peppers, sprinkled with a 'chipotle' seasoning and smothered in a 'chipotle' sauce. Time to give this word an extended rest."

COMBINED CELEBRITY NAMES: Celebrity "duos" of yore, e.g. "BogCall" (Bogart & Bacall), "Lardy" (Laurel & Hardy), and "CheeChong" (Cheech & Chong) just got lucky. "It's bad enough that celebrities have to be the top news stories. Now we've given them obnoxious names such as 'Bragelina,' 'TomKat' and 'Bennifer.'" -- "It's so annoying, idiotic and so lame and pathetic that it's 'lam-e-thetic.' "

GITMO: US military shorthand, for a base in Cuba -- the term drives a wedge wider than a split infinitive. "When did the notorious Guantanamo Bay Naval Base change to 'Gitmo', a word that conjures up an image of a bug-eyed, fluffy character in a kid-movie?"

GONE/WENT MISSING: It makes 'missing' sound like a place you can visit, such as the 'Poconos'. Is the person missing, or not? "She went there but maybe she came back. 'Is missing', or 'was missing' -- would serve us better."

HEALTHY FOOD: Point of view is everything. -- Someone told me, that the tuna steak the person had for lunch "sounded healthy." The reply: "If my lunch were healthy, it would still be swimming in a salt sea somewhere. But grilled, and nestled on salad greens, it's 'healthful' "?

i-ANYTHING: A replacement - 'e-Anything' made the list a few years ago. -- "Tech companies everywhere have picked this apple to the core." -- "Turn on…tune in…and drop out." -- "Banish any word that starts with it. I am just tired of it. It's getting old, like me."

NOW PLAYING IN THEATERS: Heard in movie advertisements. Where can we see that, again? "How often do movies premiere in Laundromats or other places besides theaters? I know that when I want to see a movie I think about going to a shoe store."

PWN or PWNED: Thr styff of lemgendz: Gamer defeats gamer, types in "I pwn you" rather than I OWN you. "This word is just an overly used Internet typo. It has been overused to the point that people who play online games are using it as part of their everyday speech."

SEARCH: Quasi-anachronism. Placed on one-year moratorium. -- "Might as well banish it. The word has been replaced by the verb, 'to Google.' "

TRUTHINESS: This word, popularized by 'The Colbert Report' and exalted by the American Dialectic Society's Word of the Year in 2005, has been used up. "What used to ring true is getting all the truth wrung out of it."

UNDOCUMENTED ALIEN: If they haven't followed the law to get here, they are by definition 'illegal.' -- "It's like saying a drug dealer is an 'undocumented pharmacist.' "

WE'RE PREGNANT: Grounded for nine months? -- "Were men feeling left out of the whole morning sickness/huge belly/labor experience? You may both be expecting, but only one of you is pregnant." -- "I'm sure any woman who has given birth will tell you that 'WE' did not deliver the baby." Although I might look like it ...if I don't lose some weight soon.

Just say no (as in "denial"). Me Thinks,

Monday, May 21, 2007

No Brainer!

Ever notice how those who, ardently claim that something or other is a ..." NO BRAINER!"

That they, themselves do not seem to be endowed with one?